The only rule of bridesmaiding is that there are no hard-and-fast rules: expectations around attire, bridesmaid hairstyles, and makeup can vary wildly from person to person. What one member of your wedding party considers totally normal might seem absurd to another (personal taste is personal, y’all). So it’s smart to lay your cards on the table good and early, before you get too deep into planning, to make sure everyone is on the same page. But how do you talk to your wedding party about things like makeup and bridesmaid hairstyles in a way that won’t make them feel like they have to go out and change themselves? In a word: considerately. Here’s what I recommend starting with.